A massive happy new year to everyone that follows comments or just ambles by.
Life and work is all a bit hectic at the moment and i do not seem to have the time to write or comment as much as i would like but i do read all of your blogs as they come in.
Also a big thank you to the bloggers that have help me, commented and made my first 8 months both enjoyable and exciting you have opened up a whole new world for me and ongoing friendships in the coming years.
College was all good, got to meet new friends and always enjoyed learning. Plenty of girls to perv at but no real luck on the girl friend side. Still could not get past my kinky feelings and how strange i felt when looking around at what i considered normal people. How could anyone else have the same cravings? More importantly how could the lovely looking females i was coming into contact every day want pain inflicted on them. I was managing to source more magazines on the subject; not only Janus but Roue and swish, which to be fare did seem a bit tame. All ways returned to Janus as my favourite publication to feed my ever voracious appetite for all things spanking. The lovely models, the graphic stories and of course the readers’ letters. It was about now that i started to doubt what i was reading. The stories are a work of fiction, nicely written and indeed for someone like me exciting to read. Some of the readers’ letters where of experiences at school so at that time i took them to be real because slippers and canes where used in schools. But what about the other stories, the domestic discipline stories, the so called true stories of secretaries not wanting to lose their jobs and submitting to some sort of physical punishment, the girl friend asking for punishment because it turned her on before sex. This can’t possibly be true, it was punishment, it hurt, it was meant as a deterrent. Not knowing there were people with masochistic tendencies or indeed fully blown masochist nothing really struck me as believable.
I knew the thought of having a young lady across my knee and spanking her stirred feelings in me.
I knew that laying the cane across the bare backside of a pretty little thing bent over a table excited me like nothing else. But i was inflicting the pain for my own stimulation.
If any of you lovely followers would like to comment i would appreciate your views on your feelings at a young age. Where you like me, a spanker or for me more importantly did the thought of being spanked or having pain inflicted on you stir you’re deepest desires.
End of an era 1978 and it was time to wave good bye to school, including the disco’s and see what the big wide world had to offer. It was also around the time that i became acquainted with alcohol yes the demon drink and what lovely stuff it is as well. Always enjoyed school for the most part, always wanted to learn and made friends with some really great people, a lot i still see and a few that are still my best friends after 36 years. Decided i was undecided about what i wanted to do in the future so college was the path for me. Also joined a local club, mainly a bunch of guys that got together, dressed up, raised money to put on yearly shows, raised a lot of money for charity and consumed an awful lot of alcohol along the way. Still play a small part in that club and have had the best life because of it, primarily because of the diversity of the people involved. It was at this time that my kinky feelings and indeed life changed forever. I was at my best friend’s house, who funny enough still is, when he produced a magazine that he found in his older brothers room. I had never seen anything like it, all my kinky dreams wrap up in one publication. Did not understand the name but it has been a word that would play a large part in my life for the next 30 years. Janus a journal of fetish and cp. I must have read it from cover to cover 10 times and still could not get enough of it. The images, the fiction and the readers’ letters all there in glorious colour for me to soak up and think perhaps i am not that strange at all. This is a professional publication, they don’t produce just 10, there must be thousands of people who have the same feelings.
This first magazine that captured my imagination so much was a very early edition may have even been Mentor. The Photo’s below are from my first memories of seeing the magazine in its new format brought in around 1981.
I would like to give a huge vote of thanks to Jon of the Janus Archive for sending me these original images and being so helpful. There will be a lot more of Janus to come in the coming years.
Anyone interested in the history or the massive archive Janus has please go to:
Firstly i would like to say to everyone who has visited here, thank you very much and i must apologise for not posting for some time. Although i have been trying to keep up with all your lovely blogs, most days i just run out of time.
Before i carry on delving into my ancient history i would like to remark and may be stir some comment on Dee’s last post about Subspace.
Forgive me as i might be wrong here but i always thought subspace was a somewhat chemical reaction in the body. Not everyone likes the pain of being spanked or pain in general and the people that do have endorphins that kick in far quicker than your normal person. It acts like taking heroin, gives you a hit and sends you into a state of euphoria. Some subs seem to experience it very quickly; you can see it in their face straight away, some seem to like the build up. In the same vain subdrop is like going into some kind of cold turkey. I know some of my friends are very good with pain but the way there bodies work, that pain and the way there endorphins processes it gives them no pleasure others are real babies when it comes to pain. Dee loves to be spanked and her body must process the amount of pain and release the pain killing chemical slowly. Whereas Faerie can seem to reach it very quickly and what turns everything on its head is that Faerie can reach subspace without pain but a particular sensation brings it on.
Everyone is different, and i ask a lot of questions about this subject with the people i meet but there must be some underlying constant running through this theme.
Late seventies were great. Glam rock was coming to an end and the new wave of British heavy metal was just starting but there were always the dreaded school discos. Never really liked them much just went along because all my mates where on the pull and i thought i had better be seen to be normal when i didn't really feel normal. Always felt uneasy with the opposite sex, how are you meant to act when you're young and you have spanking fantasies about the girls you meet or know from school. Hi there would you like to dance and by the way i am into spanking in a big way and would just love to put you over my knee and turn that lovely little bottom of yours bright red. Not the best chat up line in the world but where do you start. That's the point i didn't. I had some girl friends and we use to get on and have a laugh but that was as far as it went. I was part of the Red Cross at the time and we met in a big old house. One of the rooms had a load of magazines in it and 4 of us found some soft porn mags. One had a girl bent over a chair being caned and a story to go with it. I think we must have spent an hour in that room all reading different articles and all erect for different reasons but finally a little glimmer of the future, if there are pictures and stories in top shelf magazines perhaps i am not alone after all.
As i entered my teens my imagination was running wild. There were so many lovely girls in the school all with great figures and tiny little bums. Always pretty much went around in the same group and we lived in a small town so we where 2 minutes from open countryside. We used to go out ditch jumping and there were always small trees you could break a switch off and try it out on one of the girl’s bottoms. Not to hard just enough to test the water and gauge the reaction. We use to meet in the front room of a friend’s house and generally try to act grown up. We would sit around and smoke, drink cheap cider, play the latest music, particularly Queen a night at the opera, glam rock and then on to punk and new wave of British heavy metal. On one particular occasion one of the girls was pissing us off a bit too much and got dragged down across my knee. There must have been about 4 or 5 of us spanking her all at once, a good 40 odd smacks and she came up looking a bit dishevelled and sat quietly in the corner. The rest of the crew was probably not aware of how much this turned me on and inwardly i always felt embarrassed and a bit ashamed of the feelings that where growing stronger in me.
I don’t know if it’s the case but it seems a lot easier now. Years ago i felt alone, strange and weird, with no information about people’s fetishes and cravings. Being young now and with the advent of the internet all the information is at your finger tips and you can explore your feelings through more experienced peoples websites and blogs. Or is it just the case that too much information can be damaging and confuse even more.
Between ten and fourteen everything was rather normal apart from this overwhelming urge to want to slap the backside of every girl i set eyes on. To me it felt very strange, why was i having these feelings and why did no one else as far as i could see share the same thoughts. I use to catch little spanking scenes on TV and in films which gave me irregular feelings. There was a big open air swimming pool in the town and the whole class was taken there regularly for lessons and general recreation. One girl AB always stuck in my mind she seemed to like her bikini bottoms pulled down as she got out the pool and there was generally someone on hand to give it a good whack. Even at that young age she laughed and just shrugged it off. Later in life i learnt that she did indeed like it and often thought to myself what a missed opportunity.
As far as i can recollect it was summer and the start of a new decade, the 1970’s. I was 8 maybe 10 and playing in the garden. The kids next door where older by at least 5 years and although i had no thoughts of girls then i remember the daughter to be very slim and attractive. There was a bit of an argument going on and as i listened the girl answered back quite loud to her father. I have no memory of what the argument was about or how long it lasted but one sentence has stayed with me to this day. You’re not too old to go over my knee young lady. Even now after 40 years i can remember the words clearly and wondered if that was the catalyst for my long obsession with a certain part of the lovely female form and my own harsh hand. To an extent it was but i understand now that it did not suddenly turn me into a spanker, it has always been in me, it is part of me and over the years i have not hurt anyone ( if you understand what i mean ) and looking back i have enjoyed every last minute.